Parenting a Child with Special Needs

Medical appointments, prescription trials, multiple surgeries, therapy sessions, school meetings, behaviour plans, physical care, sleep deprivation and lack of available special needs childcare.

Tears, fears and lots of heartache.

Whatever the diagnosis, raising a child with special needs is not easy.

But if you’re raising a child with special needs, what you do matters.

With my youngest niece, The Princess

What you do matters to your child.

Even if your child's special needs are so severe she doesn't have the ability to say so, what you do for her matters. In more ways than you and I will ever imagine, what you do matters to your child.

What you do for your child with special needs matters to your typically-developing children.

Stephen Covey said the security of everyone in the family rests on how the weakest family member is treated. When you love and cherish your child with special needs, even on the darkest, most difficult days, your typically-developing children know they too are worthy of your unconditional love. They can live in the security that, no matter what, they too will be loved and cared for.

What you do for your child with special needs matters to your church.

The Church in North America needs a reminder that people with challenges are worthy of love and care, and that the Lord commands us to care for them. When you visibly, consistently display your love for your child, the Church hears the reminder it so badly needs.

It may be hard on you to be the one giving this message, but when you do, it matters.

What you do for your child with special needs matters to your community and your country.

In Canada, several years ago, a father killed his teenage daughter who had cerebral palsy. His lawyer called it a "mercy killing", but more accurate information showed the family felt they could no longer care for her. My heart goes out to this family, so beleaguered they planned and carried out the killing of their own child. However, I'm even more grieved they received so much public support for doing so.

When you care for, and love, and cherish your child with special needs, even on the days you're sure you have no caring left, you declare to your community and your country that you value all human life. You silently, powerfully shout that the life of a person with special needs is also worthwhile.

What you do for your child with special needs matters to God.

God didn’t give you this challenging task – raising a child with special needs -- because “you’re so special”.

Nor did He place you in this role as a punishment.

But according to His own wisdom and goodness, for reasons we don’t fully understand, He did orchestrate the events of your life so you’re raising a child with special needs.

He who called you to this task treasures your child... and He treasures you.

He asks you to be faithful in caring for him or her. (Not perfect, faithful.) He also cares for you.

He understands how hard it is for you...and for your child.

And when you show tender-loving care to your child with special needs, He is honored by your faithfulness.

Whatever we do for someone in need, we are doing for Jesus Himself.

That doesn’t just apply to caring for poor and hungry strangers.

It is for you, caring for your own child within your own family.

What you do, on the front lines and in the shadows, in the public moments and the unknown corners of your child’s life... all matters.

Please remember... what you do matters.

-- Reenie

*From  Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families

Step to The Front of the Line

We who are in Christian faith communities believe every human being is precious in God’s eyes because He made us in His image.

We believe our worth will never be diminished, no matter what other factors come and go.

We believe that people with disabilities and other challenges are as valuable to God as those of us whose challenges are less visible.

We nod fervently when we read that the Bible says God chooses to use people who are weak, for His glory. (1 Corinthians 12)

From early childhood, we’re taught to sing,

“Jesus loves me, this I know,

For the Bible tells me so.

Little ones to Him belong.

They are weak but He is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me....”

We cheerfully quote what Jesus said:

“Whatever you’ve done for the least of these, you’ve done for Me.”(Matthew 24)

So why...I ask you...Why-oh-why-oh-why do we so often not act that way?

Within my lifetime,

I've been delighted to see enormous improvements in how communities

accept and welcome people with all kinds of visible challenges.

I could give you a long list of agencies within my own city,

government-funded and otherwise,

who energetically,

passionately

work for the inclusion and benefit of people with disabilities.

I can’t tell you how deeply grateful I am for these agencies’ work.

What a difference they make for people with special needs

and for those who love them!

But it grieves my heart just as much

that there are still so few churches

who actively welcome people with disabilities.

We, who by the most basic statements of our faith,

declare that we value those who are weak,

often act like they have no worth at all.

We ought to be at the front of the line,

leading the way,

raising the bar,

setting the example.

What twists a knife in my gut is that,

instead,

we’re usually at the back.

And, oh --

we’re not just compliantly following along as someone else shows the way.

We’re often as-far-back-as-we-can-be,

dragged along with our heels dug in as-deep-as-we-can-dig-‘em.

Some of us even have even thumped ourselves down on the path,

refusing to move at all,

and making every effort to slow down anyone else who might like to move forward.

At my city’s local amusement park,

large and threatening signs prohibit queue-jumping.

Fortunately,

thankfully,

the Church is in a different kind of line.

In this line, we’re invited,

encouraged,

even urged,

to march up to the front of the line.

Yes, we have been late to do this,

but the good news is that it’s not too late.

So.

Let’s stand up for what we say we believe,

ask God to help us fix the attitudes we need to fix,

and pull our heels out of the sand.

Let’s march right up to the front of the line

and start leading the way.
-- Reenie

#9 – Filling Up With Joy

We’ve all heard that it’s better to give than to receive.

In our day,

and our society,

when it’s become downright fashionable to give to those who are more needy than we are,

even those with the toughest hearts have experienced the joy of giving ourselves.

When we welcome people with challenges into the church,

we who are “strong” have a chance to experience the joy of serving.

Whether we're teachers,

caregivers,

coaches,

program leaders,

program developers,

buddies,

or simply friends...

Whether we help regularly

or once in awhile...

Whether we serve face-to-face,

or up front,

or in the background...

Whatever we do,

however we serve,

it brings us joy,

as long as we serve with an open and generous heart.

It’s even better,

however,

when people who have

physical,

cognitive

and mental health challenges

also get a chance to experience the joy of serving.

Why should serving be limited to those of us who think we’re “normal”?

Why do we always have to be on the giving end?

It’s not so bad for us to be receivers occasionally.

Each of us can find a place to serve,

a means to serve,

a unique way to make a difference for each other.

Let’s open our minds,

and our hearts,

to create opportunities for us all to be filled up with the joy of serving each other.

It’s still better to give than to receive.

Humbling ourselves to let others serve us is another way to give generously.

#10 – Next Up – Most important....!

#7 & 8 – We Give the World a Truer Picture of the Church
and We Give the World a True Picture of our Lord

It won’t surprise you to hear that
today’s media typically colors the Church in harsh, dark colors.

We’re often painted as judgemental,
unjust,
unkind
and
unsafe.

But when churches welcome people with special needs
(and a myriad of other challenges),
people realize that the media’s stereotype is a false one.

When they watch us
diligently,
deliberately
accept children, teens, and adults,
regardless of the challenges they face,
and regardless of the challenges they bring to us,
they see what the Church truly is –
a welcoming place.

They see that the Church is an all-encompassing,
differences-can’t-separate-us kind of place.

When individuals’ lives are touched,
and they see people’s lives changed
because people in the Church have cared,
all the negative stereotypes in the world
can’t refute their experience.

More important,
when we welcome people who have challenges
(which means all of us),
we show the world what our Lord Jesus,
Whom we believe in and love,
is really like.

We show everyone that Jesus
is still the gracious Teacher, Healer and Friend
in the New Testament Bible stories.

We show them
that He is truly accepting,
loving
and forgiving.

We show the whole world that Jesus
really does welcome everyone into His Family,
that He does have a special place in His heart for those who are weak,
sick,
poor,
living on the fringes.

And we show them that He’s real.

We don’t have to shout from the rooftops.
We don’t have to rent flashing billboards.
We just have to do what Jesus told us to do.

We need to take care of those who are sometimes considered unimportant,
but whom the Bible calls “indispensable”.
(2 Corinthians 12: 22,23)

We need to widen the door,
save a seat,
set a place at the table,
and reach out a hand in friendship.

It’s not always easy,
but it is that simple.
-- Reenie

Next up -- "Filling Up With Joy"